The other day, entirely due to an unfortunate
accident and nothing else, I happened to hear the first few seconds of The
Grudge, this supposed monster of an opening track on Tool’s something-defining
opus Lateralus. I turned it off in disgust – of course – but then I went back
to a simpler time in history, a time when I not only loved but harboured an
unhealthy obsession towards the band. The obsession reached its peak in 2006,
coinciding with the release of 10,000 Days, the last Tool album to have
released, before it withered away bit by bit. Incidentally, that album released
10,000 days ago.
In that same time period of eight-and-a-bit years,
another one of my favourite artists, Thurston Moore (formerly of Sonic Youth),
has managed to release 31 (31!) albums including collaborations, improv, and
live albums, with another one due soon. Thom Yorke has released four albums, in
addition to hundreds of one-off-or-more collaborations or singles. Four albums plus some other releases for Mogwai. Even Isis, a band heavily inspired by Tool, a band that doesn’t
even exist anymore, has two albums in that period. Merzbow has 63 albums since
2006, and that’s not even including live albums or EPs or singles or splits or remix albums or albums he’s written under his real name (although Merzbow may not be a fair comparison). I think even Nirvana
got a couple of albums out.
Our friends over at Tool, on the other hand, have a
grand total of ONE album in that period – 11 songs including two which are
essentially filler tracks. I’m not saying that releasing music is a competition
(if it were, then Tool would be so far behind that it would cease to be so). I
don’t think musicians owe their fans anything. Except for one thing. It starts
with an M.
Instead of writing 1.375 songs a year over the past
eight years to complete a paltry 11-track album (filler included), Tool have
instead given this particular frenemy of theirs only shattered illusions. Their
super-cool at the time lyrics about evolution and the pineal gland and
perception of reality – even “Goddamn, shit the bed” – the mystery and this aura
of superior understanding, the irreverent live shows where the vocalist did a
weird drug dance and stood at the back in the shadows (WOW, SO COOL), their hypnotic
music videos and artwork (3D and everything!); their whole image, as gimmicky and
pretentious as it may seem from the outside, worked well for them, giving them
critical attention and a cult following and even relative mainstream success. It
didn’t seem contrived; there seemed to be integrity to it, maybe. They got briefcases
of dollars and street cred too for it – the dream. And it all worked for them
because of one very critical element – all their hijinks and gimmickry worked
in aid of the MUSIC. There was music, and then there was a bunch of
drug-lit/stoner-culture/evolution/philosophy 101 stuff assisting the music in some indirect way. It made sense. Remove the
music and the whole thing goes to shit.
And gone to shit it has. Today, we have Adam Jones
playing the American national anthem at a WWF event. Fine, so he’s a fan of wrestling,
as are the other guys in the band who also appeared on the show apparently. I
used to be too (before I outgrew it in my early teens). Oh, he also proposed
marriage to his girlfriend at a WWF Summer Slam or Royal Rumble. Cheap little
YouTube teasers announcing the potential release of a new album, recorded in a whispering
robot voice by associates of the band are “leaked” online leading to deep
spiritual discussions breaking out all over the Tool Army forum. Interviews of
Adam Jones and Kirk Hammett discussing their everlasting love for each other
are made available online. Interviews of band members providing contrasting
details of this hallowed release surface, followed by a very amusing blame game
between the instrumentalists and the vocalist about why the album isn’t nearing
release. By amusing, I obviously mean pathetic.
I get that, apart from the airing of dirty laundry
in public, none of those things are good or bad, really. My real problem is
that I know these things that I don’t
necessarily need- or want to. Especially about a band like Tool. I get that
their personalities are not and should not be my concern so it’s fine (although
I wouldn’t mind them reeling it back in just a little).
But then I hear about that sniveling little shit,
the self-confessed savior of rock ‘n’ roll and all things holy and beyond, the
messiah himself, Maynard James Keenan: Hobnobbing with the cultural elite (“I
was friends with Bill Hicks, don’t you know?” “Milla? Yeah, we chill often.”
“I’m not short; I can kick your ass.”), owning a vineyard and making his own
wine because, you know, he’s rich and sophisticated and educated and he knows
his way around a spittoon, and just being an obnoxious tool. Wearing a wig with
his other band because one’s his anima and one’s his animus (obviously). And
then there’s Puscifer. He even snuck the word “pussy” into his solo project
band name – he’s so clever, he must be a genius. And with that project of his,
he writes experimental rock and pushes the boundaries. One of his albums was
even called V for Vagina, which is such an edgy title. Applause.
Maybe they have a genuine reason for this extended
period of inactivity in terms of new material. If not, then they can always admit
to being has-beens and announce that there is no new album and that the
obsessive fan base can move on with our lives. An extended creative block is sad
but understandable and no one would judge them for it – they’ve written a bunch
of great albums that fans can always go back to. Maybe they should come out and
admit that the six or so years of touring after their last release – with
roughly the same setlist with the occasional cover or old favourite thrown in –
were mostly about filling their pockets with more and more cash and a little
about playing the music they wrote live in front of an adoring audience. Or
they should just shut their mouths for a while, not show their faces anywhere
unless absolutely essential, watch some wrestling and listen to some Metallica,
and finally finish this album that they’ve apparently been working on for ages.
Even Axl Rose did eventually put out Chinese Democracy. I can guess that they need this album as much as their fans do, possibly even more.
