Saturday, September 23, 2017

we aimed for wrong notes that explode, a quiet muttering amplified heavenward



It’s early days still, so I haven’t yet been able to decide whether Luciferian Towers is Godspeed being hopeful this one time, or if it’s just them laughing — with disgust — at the world falling apart. Either way, the music is invigorating I feel renewed, almost optimistic, when I take off the earphones, like the smell of fresh laundry. It’s that ephemeral moment of magic that happens when silence collides with absolute noise.

The record is a “spiritual moment”, perhaps (even though I don’t technically believe in the concept). Last night, I had one of those, at some point during ‘Anthem For No State’. I was briefly transported — the visual is hazy now, but it was some desolate mountain, with power lines all around. I’ve added train tracks into the memory now, but I can’t say for sure if they existed at the time. This lasted for literally a second or two, but it’d been building up.
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I’ve never been someone who tears up while listening to music, a fact I state with neither pride nor shame. Music affects me in countless ways; blubbering just isn’t one of them. I think it’s happened no more than twice in my life. But during ‘Anthem For No State’, in the second part I think, I found myself heavy-eyed.

The welling up wasn’t out of sadness or some profound despair that Godspeed captured in that particular playthrough; it was an involuntary physical reaction to the song. And as soon as I became aware of it, the tear ducts shut down immediately. But it happened.

I often go back to this line by Mark Richardson in his piece about Godspeed a few years ago: “…it's the kind of sound you hear with your body and not just your ears.” I’ve read it many times since, but never before, and it — at the time — basically put into words an emotion I’d long had about Godspeed (and a bunch of other music too).

This is what Godspeed do. There’s of course the dystopia, the mystery, the cheek, the audacity, the defiance. The transcendental orchestrations that paint with sound a picture of the world we live in. The risks they take. Their last two record, especially — both of which came after a nine-year period of silence, before “god’s pee decided to roll again” — had a speculative emotional dissonance to them. Remarkable as they were, and exhilarating in their own right, I was far more comfortable admiring those two releases from a distance — they were aspirational, intimidating. They made me seek them out.

But Godspeed, beyond all those elements, has also been a deeply personal band. Their music —especially when I first discovered it as a kid through their John Peel session — doesn’t so much speak to me as it becomes a part of me. Luciferian Towers has that elusive quality of changing something about me (taking into account that it’s only been a day).
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(Just to clarify, people often talk of music that ‘changes’ them, as do I. This isn’t some grand spectacle, really. It’s not like you wake up one day and start parting your hair on the other side and you start speaking fluent German and all aspects of your personality are suddenly inverted. Instead, it’s a subtle, barely-there shift, where the music affects a specific part inside you, destroying it over repeat plays, and birthing a new thing in its place. The outside world can rarely ever tell, but you just know.)

Of course, I’m leaving open the possibility that I didn’t, in fact, experience any wanky “moment of clarity” situation at all. That maybe I just nodded off while listening to the album — maybe that’s what meditation is: a series of almost-asleep, almost-awake rotations.



Sunday, September 3, 2017

A hammer smash to the kidneys


It’s like walking on clouds in those coy hotel-room slippers we all steal. Like floating about mid-air inside an airplane[1], when your ears aren’t exactly blocked, but they’re also not functioning at 100% because of that persistent hum. Where making out what’s being said six rows ahead is almost easier than understanding your neighbour’s words. “Excuse me, can you get the fudge up so I can go to the bathroom?” (I only ever take the aisle seat, so it’s a problem window-sitters probably won’t get.)

For the first three-and-a-bit minutes, nothing really happens. I mean, it’s all pleasantries and sunshine in the sort-of-profound, sort-of-meaningless way only Mogwai can manage. But as a standalone movement, without context or an inkling of what’s to come later, it doesn’t much make sense. You worry this might be Mogwai getting a little too ponderous, a little too laborious, while developing a very specific, very narrow mood.

Hells to the no.

‘Don’t Believe The Fife’ is a crackling reminder of the very reasons I first fell in love with Mogwai: The compassionate, wounded passages that saunter along aimlessly, taking their time to craft a mood-canvas onto which I can reflect my immediate state of wellbeing (or otherwise). The impressionistic guitar lines crawling around like intricate pencil-sketches. And then the inversion: The explosion, the bastardry, the mania, the carefully concealed other end, the ugly insides we all do our best to hide away with make-up, haircuts, and forced smiles.

Over the years, the band seems to have toned down its radical soft-loud theatrics, instead going for steadier, more circumspect arrangements. It’s not really a criticism — they’ve expanded into different worlds in their 20 years of hyper-prolific existence, reaching a special kind of peak (for me) with Les Revenants. Yet ‘Fife’ recalls that early deranged quality which hammers away at your kidneys with no prior warning.

It trudges along, and then, out of nowhere, it bursts like a thunderstorm. The coolest bit? Sure, the element of surprise goes away after the first time (or even before that, if you’re reading this without having heard the song). But the outburst remains elusive; it’s unpredictable after repeat listens, even when you’re waiting for it.

That’s partly because of how firmly the first section gets established. It’s partly because there’s a bit of a false alarm when the drums kick in at first, because you feel like you sort of ‘know’ this Mogwai; you ‘know’ where they’re heading with this. It’s also because of a really cool songwriting trick, where they pile on the additions with little regard for form. The brain is used to listening to things at least twice, or in multiple of four, before something new happens. Here, though, the tremolo'ed/delayed guitar bit enters, playing just once. Then the drums kick in, playing just once.
No need to overstate the point, but that’s when the eruption happens, with like the fattest guitar sound I’ve heard in years. It’s hundreds of guitars being smashed in anger. Welcome back, Mogwai.






[1] This might not be a universal emotion, since I’ve been connecting Mogwai with airplanes for a while now, ever since one defining experience.

Friday, June 23, 2017

Some day you will find me/Caught beneath the landslide/In a champagne supernova in the sky



In the second half of 2009, from what I remember, I wasn’t excessively happy or sad. Let’s call it a rung or two above ho-hum, which isn’t all that terrible a place to be in. So when I look back fondly at the time, it has nothing to do with anything except that I was eight years younger then than I am now. At the time, I used to own a shitty Acer Macbook, and I was in between earphones. The iPod ones I had had stopped working, and I was yet to buy these really cool Sennheiser earphones I used to own — they were going out of production soon so shops were getting rid of existing stock at 1000 instead of the listed 4000 (sorry, “999” instead of “3999”). The only way I had of listening to music was through the crackling speakers of my Macbook.

One particular (late, late) evening (or early, early morning), in the middle of a depressingly drawn-out YouTube spiral, I discovered what is now called ‘Man Of War’ by Radiohead. It was a live recording, and the guitar bit at the beginning of the song was really pretty and exactly what I’d been looking for at that particular time. The song finished and I didn’t know what to make of it, except that I’d been sucked in. It takes its time to properly settle in, as all the different elements start to ‘show themselves’ only later. Instinctively, all I could tell was something meaningful was going on. Plus I was little freaked — it’s one of those songs that attacks you from the precise point where your peripheral vision ends.

Thom Yorke, to me, seemed to be singing the moody words almost reluctantly, slowly easing into the big melodies that linger in the air once it finishes. It reminded me of my food conservatism, where I’ll resist trying out something new to the point of extreme annoyance, before I finally taste it and then my stomach explodes after overeating. The guitars, though, were the real draw. The three guitars appear to be playing roughly the same thing, bouncing off of each other and taking minor deviations to add fullness to the atmosphere. It’s only on further scrutiny that you realise that there comes a point where they’re only superficially holding hands, before departing in their own distinct directions, which is when the song detonates. It’s thrilling.

Anyway, so I may have become slightly obsessed with the song. The live version was literally on loop for the next three days — every waking minute was spent fighting the YouTube autoplay feature (if it existed back then; I don’t remember). Side by side, I was trying to suck all joy from the song in spite of my audiophobe setup. For a week after, it still remained sort of on loop, after which it dropped in and out of my consciousness every few years. The name, though, was a problem.
The obsession didn’t come immediately. Before that was the process of finding the song a second time. First time was accidental, and when I tried searching for it again, I couldn’t find it. All I remembered was the “man of war” lyric. But the song was tagged as ‘Big Boots’ everywhere, which I hadn’t known at the time, because I never pay attention to song names. So I went through a rigorous process of listening to hundreds of B-sides and live versions of unreleased Radiohead songs before I finally found it. Which is why I was hesitant to ever call it ‘Man Of War’ — I was scarred from all the digital and emotional labour, not to mention the association with the metal band Manowar.

The problem, then, became a postmodern one. Radiohead had another unreleased song, known in fan circles, as ‘Big Ideas’, with “I don’t got any” in parenthesis. Of course I kept confusing the two. I didn’t exactly love ‘Big Ideas’— a song that had become ‘Nude’ by then I think — so I convinced myself that I had imagined the initial thrill I felt on listening ‘Big Boots’. In my head, ‘Big Boots’ didn’t exist anymore, which was very upsetting. Until I finally discovered it, an unfettered release.
A lot of fans had been waiting for a studio version of ‘True Love Waits’, which finally came out last year. My ‘True Love Waits’, though, had always been ‘Big Boots’. Now that it’s finally here, the only things I recognise from the live version (even though it’s exactly the same) are the easy melodies and the sideways attack. Even the attack has been amplified in the production.

But for the most part, even though I share a big long history with ‘Big Boots’, and the (over)familiarity is part of why I’ve already become re-obsessed with the song, it still functions, simultaneously, as a whole new entity. How exciting is that? Yes, I think it’d have slotted right in to the narrative of OK Computer effortlessly, and its presence may have elevated OKC even further. But then, I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to discover, all over again, this 25-year-old song in 2017.



Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Fifty Stories From 2016


Hello, my name is Akhil Sood, and here is a not random but also not very cohesive collection of fifty of the pieces I wrote in 2016.


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Billions of words on Radiohead’s A Moon Shaped Pool, an album that, I think, may be one of those rare life-changing records and will stay with me for a long long long long time: http://lostsyllables.blogspot.in/2016/09/it-was-just-laugh-just-lie-just-laugh.html

Searching for the Great Indian Dream in Jodhpur: https://www.101india.com/travel-food/bharat-mata-ki-jai-tale-many-indias


A weird introduction to the underground dance music scene of Colombo at a party inside a 100-year-old building: http://www.bordermovement.com/the-pettah-interchange-2016-a-wild-weird-encounter-with-the-colombo-underground/ 

The time I went to a shiterature festival and wrote about all the things I saw: https://www.101india.com/arts-culture/nothing-happens-nobody-comes-nobody-goes-its-awful

The death of the middle ground and how I felt dirty about stereotyping JNU kids in the aftermath of the Kanhaiya Kumar thing: http://www.arre.co.in/humour/the-death-of-the-jnu-stereotype/

Trying to understand the inner workings of SundogProject’s frontman, Rahul Das: http://www.thehindu.com/entertainment/music/An-obstinate-vision-of-music/article16232154.ece

Getting drunk and talking about big-city life with Donn Bhat: https://www.101india.com/music/connected-disconnected-donn-bhat-never-signing-out   
Driveway cricket, a game modern times have left behind: http://www.arre.co.in/culture/cricket-delhi-pokemon-punjab-fifa-street/

A weird, experimental series of gigs called the Listening Room: https://www.101india.com/music/listening-room-songs-noise-disquiet-bakery

Can you stoners please stop eating all my food?: http://www.arre.co.in/culture/hey-potheads-leave-the-food-alone/

My attempt at trying to (and failing completely) to understand all the buzz around Game of Thrones: http://www.arre.co.in/culture/what-happens-when-you-just-dont-get-got/ 

The thick haze that finally woke Delhi up (only briefly, in hindsight): http://www.arre.co.in/earth/air-pollution-in-delhi-modi-smog-diwali/

Two very different percussionists and how they’re not actually all that different: http://www.thehindubusinessline.com/blink/watch/ben-walsh-and-nathulal-solanki-a-tale-of-two-drummers/article9382408.ece


Trying to capture, in a few thousand words, the unreasonable rise of hip hop as a movement in India: http://rollingstoneindia.com/rise-of-indian-hip-hop-cover-story/

The transformation of St. Jude Bakery into this super hip workspace/test kitchen/experimental space/popup/gig venue/art gallery: http://www.thehindu.com/features/magazine/akhil-sood-on-the-bohemian-st-jude-bakery-in-bandra/article8654988.ece

Palika Bazaar, a remnant of my childhood lying in tatters (well, technically the opposite), functioning as just another mall: http://www.thehindu.com/features/magazine/No-longer-underground/article14492632.ece

The mean-spirited attacks directed the way of Taher Shah by nudge-nudge-wink-wink hipsters trying to fill the gaping hole in their hearts: http://www.dailyo.in/arts/taher-shah-angel-eye-to-eye-youtube-pop-music-pakistan-yoko-ono/story/1/9987.html


Barely able to conceal my excitement after ‘Burn the Witch’ was released, a few days before the ‘Daydreaming’ video and the whole album came out: https://www.101india.com/music/radiohead-equals-mass-hysteria-incredible-hype-around-their-stunning-new-single





Disco Puppet, a weirdo musician forever trying out different things: http://www.thehindu.com/entertainment/music/Mood-swings-sound-swings-music-swings/article15613633.ece

The now-depressing mediocrity of Coldplay, in the immediate aftermath of their ridiculous Holi music video: https://www.101india.com/funny/coldplay-whichever-way-you-look-it-mediocre-band

Leicester City, my adopted team for the 2015/16 season, and the greatest underdog story of modern sport: http://www.dailyo.in/sports/leicester-city-english-premier-league-manchester-united-chelsea-jamie-vardy-arsenal-riyad-mahrez/story/1/9205.html 


My accidental seal-breaking journey on a business class seat in an airplane: http://www.arre.co.in/humour/fat-cat-2-hours-fling-business-class/

Beards, crocs, tight shirts, excess cologne, pointed shoes: The strange world of men’s fashion: http://www.dailyo.in/lifestyle/indian-mens-fashion-beard-no-shave-masculinity-sexism/story/1/9906.html

Handing out my special awards for the English Premier League 2015/16 season: https://www.101india.com/sports/101india-english-premier-league-awards


Thank god we’re done with the IPL circus: https://www.101india.com/sports/ipl-circus-leaving-town-hopefully

A very cool collaborative/anthology-style album written at a house in Karachi: http://www.bordermovement.com/karachi-files-celebrating-the-spirit-of-collaboration-cultural-diversity/ 
  

   

  
How Gurgaon will suddenly become an amazing city now that its name has been changed to, um, Gurugram: http://www.arre.co.in/humour/gurugram-say-hello-to-the-amazing-city/

The farce of weekly tribute gigs in India, written after I saw a poster for something called a Tribute to John Mayer (!): https://www.101india.com/music/have-we-earned-right-play-tribute-gigs

How DJs and electronic musicians suck and real music is made by cocky, arrogant, out of touch instrumentalists who still believe in a musical heirarchy: https://www.101india.com/music/djs-and-electronic-musicians-are-just-frauds-and-imposters-conning-innocent-listeners-and

What if Lionel Messi had been the captain of the Indian cricket team?: http://www.arre.co.in/satire/lionel-kumar-messi-haaye-haaye/  


Remember John Abraham talking about football?: http://www.arre.co.in/culture/football-shootball-hai-rabba/

Salman Khan is a modern day superhero is what he is: http://www.arre.co.in/satire/the-future-is-bhai-salman-khan-acquittal/

Osama Bin Laden’s execution being, for some reason, live-tweeted five years after his ‘encounter’: http://www.arre.co.in/pov/the-ublraid-tweets-an-exercise-in-grandstanding-glorification/

Music stores used to be all cool at one point but let’s not get too carried away please: http://www.dailyo.in/arts/music-stores-planet-m-guns-n-roses-radiohead-90s-kids-millenials-mtv-beatles-britney-spears/story/1/10387.html

Understanding how the greatness of a song works by looking at a song allegedly written by Led Zeppelin, called ‘Stairway to Heaven’: http://indianexpress.com/article/lifestyle/art-and-culture/theres-a-songbird-who-steals-2917845/ 

Review of Mogwai’s stunning, and also a little uncomfortable, score for the film Atomic: http://www.sundayguardianlive.com/music/4152-music-review-mogwai-s-latest-album-about-hope-and-careful-optimism-face-despair

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Saturday, September 17, 2016

It was just a laugh just a lie just a laugh just a laugh






I don’t want to go on for too long about ‘Identikit’ because I’m afraid I won’t be able to stop. So let’s just talk briefly about the one guitar on the side running through the song, mostly picking up steam in the second half. It’s not an angry part, but it follows the trajectory of repressed anger faithfully. Short, sudden jolts of expression peek out from time to time, before the protagonist retracts and retreats, aware that it’s not always a smart idea to be too animated in public. Such as when said protagonist is standing in a queue or in an overcrowded train compartment. She lets out little sighs and other sounds of disapproval every time she gets nudged in the side or smacked in the jaw by a stray arm. Then someone cuts the line so she starts off, measured and composed and rational and balanced and logical. She’s keeping it together — just about.

But then, when that one asshole steps on her foot, that’s when shit hits the ceiling. Which is the last 30 seconds of the song: the guitar solo. It’s an outburst, bursting at the seams with rage and fury and yet surprisingly composed and articulate. It has to be ‘Identikit’. I’ll get to the ‘it’ in a while.

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I’m sick of A Moon Shaped Pool — I swear. Each time ‘Burn The Witch’ starts off with its ratatatting strings — played with a guitar pick, because where’s the fun otherwise? — I feel this urge to shove a pair of tweezers into my ear and pull out the drum. But before we get ahead of ourselves, I feel I should clarify that the fault, as with most things, is entirely mine, and not the music’s. This is an album that, for the past four months and nine days, has been an inextractable (not a word, but it means “that which cannot be extracted”) part of my physical existence.

I have abused the record to a worrying degree. I’ve heard it in autos, rickshaws, Olas, Ubers (which I recently started using because they let me pay in cash now), aeroplanes (because I’m rich), trains (because I’m not rich), on motorcycles and scooters, on bicycles, tricycles, and unicycles — while driving too, until Delhi’s finest suspended my license for being 2 km over the speed limit. And while walking. And sitting/lying down.

I’ve actually literally without exaggeration run through two sets of earphones. One is an Apple and it’s all worn out now, but it still sort of works. The previous ones were these really cool Sennheiser earphones that I had to cremate because they packed up, and now I’ve bought a new pair just like those (because their price dropped). (I think even the MP3 files I have have started crackling a bit.) Further, it may sound like a giant coincidence (but it’s not) but, in addition to the earphones, I’ve also had to get a new phone and a new laptop.

It’s understandable then that I don’t want to see its face again. Just the thought of it makes me wince. These days, after four long months, I sometimes try to listen to other music as well. And I can’t manage it. Two songs, maybe three tops, into any other album I decide to hear, I get separation anxiety. I get real actual pangs. I suddenly develop serious abandonment issues. Which is when I throw away the album I’m listening to (metaphorically), and go back to ‘Burn The Witch’. And then I feel safe and comfortable and content and at ease and peaceful and also a little agitated and unsettled and twitchy. So I take back all that dramatic stuff about being sick of the album and wanting to rip out my ear-drum because I don’t. Apologies. It's a strange kind of limbo I find myself in, where I want to hear it when I'm not, but when I am I want to not. But I also do. 

Anyway, so then just in terms of time spent and obsession indulged, A Moon Shaped Pool ranks right up there in my arbitrary list of greatest-of-all-time albums. I don’t think it’s topped OK Computer or Kid A/Amnesiac just yet, but it’s early days. There are a bunch of other albums on that list too (yes, I do in fact listen to other bands as well). Most (if not all) of those albums are more than a few years old. Which is not to say that there hasn’t been anything worth my time in the last three or four years — not at all; quite the opposite, in fact — or that I’m living in the past.

There’s a slightly deeper point. It’s that, I think, the greatness of an album truly comes to the surface in hindsight. It’s hard to tell how good a good album is when it first comes out (except maybe in exceptional cases). Longevity, then, dictates an album’s status in the imaginary history of music.

Like, you have to revisit an album multiple times, across different moods and life-situations, across different contexts, to really gauge its impact on you beyond just the immediate. And all of that takes time. Last year, I remember falling in love with a handful of albums — off the top of my head: The Demon Joke, Junun, The Best Day (or was that the year before?). But I haven’t yet gone back to that music enough to know definitively. By my own metrics, right now the most recent set of albums on my list are from, I think, 2013. So I guess maybe two-and-a-half-to-three years after release is an appropriate time to make an assessment? For whatever reasons, all that’s happened in express speed with AMSP, or maybe it’s the exception. Whatever.

But this is not one of those self-serving exercises where I claim an album is great and you, the reader, are expected to just believe me. (Well, it is a little bit, but it goes beyond that.) While the year has been absolutely horrid in terms of most other things, 2016 has been great for music. I don’t want to waste time rattling off a list, but there’ve been a lot of very cool releases this year (including these gems). For what it’s worth, it’s re-stoked my interest (which never waned, to be honest) in the fart-filled intellectual concepts surrounding an ‘album’ — what it stands for, how it should be released, how it’s priced, who’s listening, why, the works.  

One important factor in determining said status of an album has to be the difficulty in zeroing in on a stand-out song (although that applies to shitty albums just as well, but we’re assuming a basic level of common sense here). Like: What is the stand-out song from Nevermind? Is it ‘Lithium’, or ‘In Bloom’, or ‘Polly’, or ‘Teen Spirit’, or ‘Drain You’, or ‘Come As You Are’, or ‘Breed’? I don’t know. Apply this to any album you love — chances are, it’ll work.

So there’s ‘Burn The Witch’, with its jittery arrangement of strings gnawing at you, while this huge, glorious vocal melody — that seems almost to follow an altogether different song — washes over the structure. The squeaks get progressively more restless; the words becoming increasingly ominous and larger-than-life. There's a fairly drastic transition into the underwater piano opening of ‘Daydreaming’, which is such an absurdly understated song. The first time I heard it, I kept waiting, kept expecting it to explode into like a bigger, all-out peak of some kind (think ‘Exit Music For A Film’). Ab aayega… ab aayega… ab aayega. It never came. Which was amazing. You know, I was hoping for a crescendo not just on the first listen but also the second, third, and fourth ones. Took me some six tries before I figured out the peak was already there, just that it was buried: the slithering, shapeshifting strings that sound like a truck horn. It grows on you in such an unnatural way, really. I don’t want to sound too gushy (too late), but it has this remarkable quality that very few songs have, where they end and you feel just a little shortchanged. That there should be more — I wouldn’t want to let go just yet. The sadness of something finishing sets in even before that something actually finishes. It is — please slap me for resorting to such low-hanging descriptions — poignant.   

As an aside, sometimes you (I) judge an album’s greatness on just one or two songs. Like there’s this album called Spry From Bitter Anise Folds by Fifths of Seven, a Canadian band from the Godspeed You! Black Emperor camp. I don’t want to start describing a wholly different album now, but it has one song, ‘Rosa Centifolia’, that makes me revisit it every few months. In that respect, AMSP, just with its two opening songs, makes the cut (plus 'Identikit'). As in, it’s good enough. You move on to ‘Decks Dark’ next, which is when you realise that the album has this watery sense of melodic focus — it’s channeled via big, expressive moments, but then each song is packed to the brim with those moments, with layer after layer serving a very real, very critical purpose. Not a note, not a single left-to-right-lilting-reverb pan here, is extraneous.

There’s ‘The Numbers’, which has a panoramic, pastoral sense of openness that reveals itself to you right up front with a very endearing sense of vulnerability. ‘Present Tense’ sounds, to me, like a songwriting synthesis of the two previous songs, ‘Identikit’ and ‘The Numbers’  a solid enough recipe. Plus it has a playful sense of dynamic movement that gives the song a cat-and-mouse air. Despite its very cool name and broad and unexpected orchestral arrangements, ‘Tinker Tailor Soldier Sailor Rich Man Poor Man Beggar Man Thief’ falls slightly short for me personally. It gets into a very constrained space that’s often a little claustrophobic so I have to, from time to time, skip it to avoid any onset of full-blown panic followed by full-blown gloom.

‘Ful Stop’ has all its jazz-rocky coolness that’s so blatant in the distant, fade-in, whirring drums, with a vocal delivery straight from the Kid A/Amnesiac school of obscure, mumbly, far-away lines. But, in comparison to the rest of the record, its novelty does wear off eventually, to the point where it’s become a song I (sometimes) skip. ‘Glass Eyes’ (yes, Thom Yorke wrote a song called ‘Glass Eyes’, as another reminder that the band has a sense of humour) seems almost like filler at first, until it stops being so. The song seems, for me, to fall in a space it shares with songs like ‘Faust Arp’ or ‘Wolf At The Door’ in that it resides on a restrained, folksy register — sort of like a calculated lull in the narrative of the album’s story.

Back to D, since the track-list is alphabetically arranged, ‘Desert Island Disk’, again a little folksy in its design, is a song I heard a few months ago, when Thom Yorke premiered an acoustic version of it. I didn’t like it much then, or when I first heard the album. But it grew from being my least favourite song off this new record to not being that at all. It picks out these unexpected notes that transform the song into impressionism repeatedly — whatever that means.

Eventually, though, we must get to ‘True Love Waits’. Here’s a song that’s been around for ages. I heard it like a decade or something ago, after reading about it on fan forums everywhere. It was such a thing. And it never really worked for me. Sure, the words are lovely and Yorke really gives it everything on the acoustic version, but it was always nothing more than a Good Song, and also a song I couldn’t claim to dislike too much because, come on, it’s ‘True Love Waits’. But it just seemed a little bit… pedestrian.

And May happened. I change my mind about things all the time, but I don’t remember doing a quicker about-face in the recent past. Within the first few bars of the song, with its deconstructed chords plunked kindly on the piano and Yorke’s older (on the verge of crackling), wiser, world-weary voice, I was sold. Worth the wait, I’d say.

Which brings me back to my somewhat-submerged sort-of-point, which is that I can’t figure out the stand-out song here. I’ve had six to eight different favourites, all in four months (as detailed painstakingly above), and I can’t make up my mind. I don’t know which ones to skip. If I ever become a playlist-person, I don’t know which of these songs would make it to those Happy Mood/Sad Mood/Pensive Mood/Light-Hearted Mood/Wacky Mood lists. It’s a problem, just not one that I’m complaining about.

As a post-script, I should add that I’m well aware that the rhapsodising here makes me one of those people, the kind of fan everyone laughs at. But it goes further than that. It’s dawned upon me only very recently that I’m not 17 anymore, that I haven’t been for the past 12 years. So I’ve been living with a constant, irrational fear that the magic may be gone. That the thrill of discovering something new will begin to fade and the edges will get rounded off. That the boredom of age will be couched as “personal growth”, where cynicism takes the place of rampant enthusiasm — and Joy. So it’s as much appreciation as it is a giant fucking relief that I haven’t yet reached that stage. 

Monday, December 7, 2015

May Nothing But Happiness Come Through Your Door OR: The Missed Drum Stick, The Story Of Time, And The Nature Of An Abstract Experience




Mogwai were playing a few feet away. It’s sort of a bit like the first few seconds of an earthquake, when you realize you’re actually feeling the thing instead of sleeping through it. The excitement precedes the possibility of destruction. Or waking up while it’s still dark outside, getting ready on Fast Forward, and then leaving the city for a short vacation. Something like the warm, disarming smile of a complete stranger that makes you feel almost exposed. Or when, say you live in Bombay and take a flight to Delhi in December or January. You step out of the aircraft into an unfamiliar cold, one that the body takes a while to absorb into its million pores. In that brief limbo period, the icy waves on your face are liberating. Watching the band live in Delhi last week, I remember how I kept checking my watch every couple of songs, the reasons for which seem no clearer now than at the time. The larger meaninglessness of such instances only enhances their pure immediacy.

See, I rarely wear a watch. I used to own a nice watch three years ago. Then, one of the loops into which the strap settles fell off. Instead of going to a shop five minutes from my house to get it fixed, I abandoned the idea of wearing one altogether. Until recently. A supplementary/backup internet connection was purchased at home, along with which we received a low-quality free watch. It has little threads hanging loose — its innards have become its outards, you could say (don’t go) — but it does a respectable job of telling me the time. Plus, I’m trying to recalibrate my system so that I don’t aimlessly whip out my cell phone to check the time/ponder over some abstract notion of staring into a digital screen every few minutes. So I wear that watch off and on, whenever I can remember to. Like I did during Mogwai’s set a week ago, and kept checking religiously.

Did I want the set to end? No, but in a way I think I did. I was one of the few people in the area up front not begging for an encore. It was also the exact opposite, of course. I kept looking at the time because the more you do that, the more time seems to slow down (as any obsessive person will testify). Or maybe it was something else entirely. I remember years ago, during a spell of reading about sleep patterns and all related material (what?), I read about this trick to help you accomplish the elusive act of lucid dreaming. You stare at numbers on a watch when you’re awake, and will them to change, to the point where it becomes habitual — like biting your cuticles. You concentrate really hard on changing the four into a two or a ‘K’, even though it never does. Then, during a dream, when you automatically will your watch numbers to change, and they do, you become aware that it’s a dream, and you can subsequently control what’s happening. So maybe it had something to do with the loss of control, but that’s something I ceded quite willingly, so maybe not.

Then ‘I’m Jim Morrison, I’m Dead’ began to play. In my hazy, barely-conscious state, I first thought they’d kicked into ‘Auto Rock’ — I’ve only heard these two songs some tens of thousands of times regularly over the past 12 years or so, so that’s an understandable mistake I should think. It’s when the set truly ‘hit’ — the loss of control became a comfortable state of existence. It’s hard to know for sure if I shed a stray tear or two because a lot of the actions at the time were involuntary.

Like the guy standing next to me, leaning on the railing and literally not moving the entire time. He presumably hadn’t bathed, shaved, or cut his hair in years, so not moving seems the next logical step in the progression — plus why would he? He had the best seat (standing place) in the house. Or the one on my right, who decided to sing along to the instrumental music of Mogwai. I wondered briefly if it was a misguided attempt to impress his ladyfriend (who chose the more conventional method of tapping her foot and bopping her head to the music) but I think he was just an idiot. I blocked him out instantly, and he faded in and out of the screen of my consciousness after. During ‘Hunted by a Freak’, where Barry Burns does sing — heavily processed and indecipherable as the vocals may be — my Not Friend to the right, let’s call him John Mayor, decided to not only sing along but also harmonize to the vocal melody of the song, making up his own lyrics (obviously). It was impressive — I have also never wanted to punch someone quite as badly. But in a matter of seconds, I had blocked him out again. It was OK — I wasn’t actually angry.    

Then I zoned out again. Then in briefly to look at the watch. Then out. I was standing right in front, so it was very loud, and when the introductory guitar riff to ‘Rano Pano’ began, the whole area started to rumble and shake. (How those guys aren’t deaf yet I’ll never know; maybe that’s why John Cummings left the band.) It was frightening. The whole thing — just the one massive guitar part before the other stuff joins in — seemed to have a space-time fluidity, lasting anywhere between three seconds to eternity. Hard to say what time it was.

When you hear a song that really moves you, a profound sense of loss sets in even before the song is over. You start missing the song before it’s finished. That existential sadness had settled in me by the time the very first song of the set was not even half done. The fear of the set finishing was present almost before it even really began. (I should add here a brief moment of self-reflection — since this is MY blog — on the day of the gig, there was something personal that I had to deal with. So maybe the set might have been less meaningful without that, or more fun, or neither — hard to talk in absolutes here.)  

The last song, the really long last song, was, I think, ‘Mogwai Fear Satan’. The moment I’d been dreading for the past 80 minutes was pretty much here. But not quite. In a way, I also wanted the set to end, so that I could fully process it. There’s sadness at the end of a song, but there’s also the space to breathe, reflect, and find meaning. As the circular waves of the song started to dissipate, though, I figured I was wrong. I didn’t want the set to end. It did — it seemed appropriate, and one that didn’t demand calls for another song, so I refrained.

The drummer came forward and tossed one of his drum sticks in my general direction. I instinctively jumped to try and catch it. But it sailed past my outstretched arms to a few rows behind me, giving a tangible shape to my disappointment that it was over. I like the idea of souvenir-collection, but I’m not really committed enough to follow through on it. So I don’t know what I would have done with that drum stick even if I’d managed to catch it. It doesn’t make sense to make sense of an experience that may or may not have been life-changing.

Monday, September 28, 2015

Portishead, Zero 7, and Massive Attack are actually literally the same band




Years of experience have led me to the conclusion that a YouTube spree is the best way to avoid being constructive. On one of those (twice-weekly) benders last night, I found myself watching a video of Thom Yorke and Jonny Greenwood playing a Portishead song called The Rip. For some reason, it induced instant déjà vu; something about the song makes it seem so familiar in an otherworldly way (not a generic one). Or maybe I’d just heard it before — can’t really be sure. (Also, it seems I’ve abused the Radiohead family tree on YouTube so much that the only new joy to be derived comes from covers.)

But that’s not the point of the revival of this fantastic (if slightly pitiful) blog. As I moved on to the original Portishead version of the song (that’s how YouTube trails generally work), a mini-epiphany dawned on me: Portishead, Massive Attack and Zero 7 are literally the same band. I’m sure enough people have thought it from time to time — I have too, in the past — but this particular time came with a shuddering sense of finality and clarity.

They all belong to the same-ish movement of cool, underground trip-hop from Britain that made it big on a mainstream level. Collectively, or if counted as one, they have to be the most covered band in the world (after Daft Punk’s Lucky). (if I hear one more cover of Teardrop, I swear to god…)

Anyway, there are the musical similarities, the vocal delivery, the absence of any happy, major notes whatsoever (Massive Attack do sneak in a couple out of every ten thousand lonely, minor notes though), the restrained, gun-to-their-heads performance style (again, MA have more whimsy and energy, but that just fuels the idea that they’re basically Portishead/Zero 7 after a couple of beers), the tempo and the experimentation with sound.

And then there are the faces. I’m no racist, but it’s common fact that all British people look alike. In this case, the resemblances are uncanny.

It’s just some massive elaborate performance piece.